you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
