dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
