Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
no, he came in my armpit
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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