how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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