The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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