the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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