I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
