Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
