sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
