please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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