Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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