The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
