Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
