Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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