All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
