drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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