My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
