Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
