yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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