Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
a search helicopter?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
