I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
