she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
