first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
