I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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