New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You are a genius and a whore.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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