Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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