What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You ruined the universe
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
