My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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