I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
