Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
