but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
