i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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