When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
