just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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