its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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