why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
