Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
