dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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