my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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