The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
only if we run a train.
done.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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