I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
