i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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