Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
