Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
