she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
