uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So many bounce houses so little time
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
