the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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