You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
