apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
