My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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