did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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