Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
