He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
