Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
