my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
