I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
