You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
