He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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