He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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