Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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