she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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