Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize