Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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