Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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