i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
