Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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