Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
