I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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