I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
