just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
