Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
