So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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