Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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