By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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