So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
