i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All the doctor said was why
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
