You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
