On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
