Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
