I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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