you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
