I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
