Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
