It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
