possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
