Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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